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I recently published an article on how groups make decisions. One of the ways is by building consensus. I wanted to elaborate on it today because groups can often get consensus building wrong. 

Teams sometimes believe that the goal of consensus building is to get everyone to fall in love with the decision. It’s not. In fact, the goal isn’t even to get everyone to like the decision. The goal of consensus building is to get everyone to live with the decision. That’s a big difference.

Let me try to share an example from one of my favorite business books, “The Abilene Paradox” by Jerry B. Harvey. Side note: I had the pleasure of hearing him tell the story firsthand at a conference many years ago. I’m not sure that I could ever tell it the way Jerry does, so I won’t even try. But do check out the synopsis on Wikipedia … it’s really good.

The paradox lies in the perils of groupthink, when a team goes along with a decision even though individuals in the group don’t agree with it. An illustration of the paradox could be the office birthday celebration. It’s someone’s birthday so the tradition is to buy a cake. However, truth be told … the cake really isn’t that good. At some point, someone gets the guts to say something about it. Then the company realizes that everyone hates the cake but was going through the motions because they thought everyone else liked it. That’s the paradox.

While the birthday cake example is simple, you can see how this can translate when it comes to bigger decisions. The group makes a decision. A person doesn’t like it but goes along with it anyway. It turns out to be a bad decision. And the person says, “Me? I never liked the idea but everyone else wanted to do it, so I went along.”

I don’t have to tell you the problems with this. After the decision is made, the group is faced with a problem and people are backing away under “Me? I never thought it was a good idea. But I was outnumbered, so no need to bring it up.” I can hear the bus wheels screeching as I’m typing this.

So, if you want to avoid a “never liked the idea, but…” response, consider creating a way to discuss matters and build consensus. A colleague of mine shared a consensus building straw poll that they’ve found to be effective. The poll is straightforward. Ask each team member to rate their feelings about the decision using a 5L scale.

Loathe – Lament – Live – Like – Love

They loathe (or hate) it.

They lament or will gripe about it afterward.

They can live with it.

They like it.

They really, really love it.

Once everyone has weighed in, ask yourself, what’s the goal? Does everyone need to love the decision? Or as I mentioned in the intro, maybe it’s fine for everyone to just live with the decision.

The polling process allows the group to take a pulse on how everyone is feeling. If the goal is for everyone to live with the decision, then you can keep discussing until you reach that goal. Or not – then you must head off in a different direction. It also allows you to avoid those awkward moments when someone says, “Me? Never agreed with the decision.” Because everyone had to be comfortable with it (to a certain degree) for it to move forward.

Building a culture that allows for constructive feedback and questions will keep you from experiencing this paradox.

Image captured by Sharlyn Lauby while exploring the streets of Fort Lauderdale, FL
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10/04/2025 – 12:02 /Sharlyn Lauby
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