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I recently responded to a reader note about how to manage a toxic co-worker. It got me thinking about incivility in the workplace. Sadly, incivility has been around for a long time. According to communications firm Weber Shandwick, 93% of Americans identify incivility as a problem. What’s interesting to me about this statistic is that the rate has changed very little over the past decade. 

If you look at the definition, incivility is defined as being rude, discourteous, and impolite. I’d like to believe that when we think about incivility from a workplace perspective, we’re not talking about the rare mistakes that humans do make. Incivility is about a perpetual state of rudeness and impoliteness. 

Which brings me to today’s conversation about incivility being a culture problem. I’m going to oversimplify here but if a nice person makes a mistake and hurts someone else’s feelings, typically those two people talk about it, the nice person apologies, and they work to reestablish trust. It’s when you have a situation where most of the time people are rude and mean to each other that incivility becomes part of the work culture. And the reason it becomes a part of the culture is because no one is holding themselves or each other accountable. 

POLICY: Most organizations have some sort of standard of conduct. Most standards of conduct talk about treating each other with respect. If a person isn’t being treated with respect, then there should be a process for them to share their concerns with their manager and possibly human resources.

TRAINING: Organizations should include in their training programs how to communicate appropriately. They should talk about things like “when to send an email and when to pick up the phone” because issues with that can lead to misunderstandings. They should talk about problem solving and how to work through difficult conversations. Give employees the tools that align with the company’s standards of conduct. 

PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY: Employees should feel safe bringing their concerns to the organization. Again, we’re not talking about when two employees have a disagreement, and they work it out on their own. That does happen. When employees don’t feel that they can work it out – that’s when they need help. 

MANAGEMENT: Whether it’s the employee’s manager or human resources, when an employee expresses a concern, it shouldn’t be dismissed. The employee shouldn’t be told to “toughen up” or “I’ve heard worse.” If management ignores an employee’s concerns, it might be interpreted as condoning the behavior. 

INVESTIGATE: Organizations need to investigate employee concerns. They need to take comments made during stay interviews, one-on-one meetings, engagement surveys, and exit interviews seriously. If the organization hears that uncivil and unprofessional behavior is happening, they need to look into it.

ROLE MODEL: Sometimes employees behave the way they do because they see a manager do it. And they figure if managers can do it, so can I. It starts at the top. The executive team should model the behavior they expect from others. Managers too. They need to hold themselves accountable. 

This is why incivility is a culture issue. There’s a policy and employees receive training on that policy. If something happens, employees should feel comfortable sharing their concerns. When a concern is raised, it should be investigated. Managers should hold themselves accountable and model the right behaviors. If the organization feels that there’s a challenge with incivility, they should ask themselves, where is the breakdown? Does the policy need to be updated? Are employees afraid to share their concerns? 

When left unaddressed, incivility will have an impact on culture, which will impact other things. Employees will make decisions about whether to stay in a toxic environment. Customers will decide if they want to be around the toxicity. Incivility has an impact on the business and the bottom-line.

Image captured by Sharlyn Lauby while exploring the streets of Orlando, FL
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22/05/2025 – 12:06 /Sharlyn Lauby
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